i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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