HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
