yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
