Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
