she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Alive.
So much puke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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