My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
