I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
