awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Enjoy the penises
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The air taste purple.
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