im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
