anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
