So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
