Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
