I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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