sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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