I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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