If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
