Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
