told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
