Nicole vs. Life
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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