i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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