PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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