dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
