coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im six kinds of drunk right now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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