three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
