Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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