dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
