Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
