That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
