My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
