just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
