i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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