i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
