are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
