ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
