Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
