i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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