I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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