I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
