drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
