the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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