I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
