Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
