Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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