Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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