Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
