Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The best revenge is premature balding
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
