We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
