And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
