Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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