I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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