I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
