doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
