yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
