I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
