Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
