My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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