Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
