I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
