she was so not down for the gang bang
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
