you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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