I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
