The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
