Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
