Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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