I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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