Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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