you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
