Cold hands, warm shart.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
