Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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