I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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