You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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