I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
