xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
