It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We are two peas in an std pod
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
