i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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