Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
