also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
