my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
