i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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