Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have aggressive nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
