if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
