Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
