It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
