I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
