So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
