I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
