so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
